New Horizons

Hello Again

It's been just over three years since I last wrote a proper blog post. This is something I enjoy doing and wanted to make a regular thing but like so many other things I just fell out of the groove with it and my inbuilt amazing skills at expert level procrastination meant that I could always find an excuse to leave it until that mythical 'tomorrow' that never comes. Except my friends, for once, tomorrow is today.

Actually it's not entirely true that it's been three years, I did write a sort of mini post last May but I didn't even bother sharing it anywhere. I think the only place I mentioned it at all was very briefly in an IG story. I was just intrigued to see if anyone actually ever checked by this place without being directly linked from social media and whatnot. Amazingly, it appears that post has had 33 views in the 8 or 9 months since I posted it so obviously someone does stop by once in a while. Thank you whoever you may be.

So, I've put my phone downstairs to try and avoid distractions, I have a pile of CD's lined up by the boombox as a writing soundtrack and I plan to try and sit here for the next couple of hours and just write. I have no plan, no structure for what I want to say. Let's just see what comes out. I can't promise that it won't just end up being a long winded waffle. It's okay though, feel free to skip read or just flip past the pictures. As ever this is more just for myself, I'm not arrogant enough to think that my life is particularly interesting to anyone else but I know that some folk like to see me talking about working processes and whatnot so take from it what you like.

Surplus to Requirements

So, as I write this in February 2025 quite a lot has changed for me over the past few months. First and foremost I was made redundant from the job I've had for the past 20 years. I've never been a career person and never been defined by my job. For me it's always just been a means to an end, something to pay the bills. I worked for the NHS in the Health Records department. My official title was 'Library Clerk' but it was nothing like working in a regular library and was more akin to a warehouse worker. It was physically demanding, I was on your feet most of the day with a lot of manual handling of piles of large folders and files from stuffed and overfull 10 foot shelving...miles of it!! I liked it, it suited me. The work was varied, I just got in, checked the rota and got on with it. I could wear an earbud in one ear so could just listen to music, podcasts, the radio etc as I worked. Have as little or much interaction with co-workers as I wanted. Everyone was friendly, there were no ridiculous targets to meet, I just knew what needed doing and there was always someone to help if needed. The supervisors and bosses were generally supportive and flexible and I liked everyone I worked with. I never felt a sense of dread about going to work and the second I signed out for the day and left the building I didn't think about it. I've seen so many people stressed about their day jobs and who take all the worries of it home with them every night, to not have any of that was priceless. When I took the job it wasn't what I was looking for and told myself I'd just do it for 6 months and look for something else, but 20 years later I was still there. Like I said, it just suited me. The pay wasn't great and it could be boring at times but those positives I mentioned before far outweighed that.

Anyway I won't got into all the details but the end of this job was a messy affair, to put it mildly things weren't handled well and after 20 years service I'd certainly have expected (and felt deserved) to be treated better. There was a lack of clear communication and very little support and if there was a textbook way to not do something I think they had it down pat. Before my contract was finally terminated at the end of September there had been months of stress and uncertainty. It really affected my health and I ended up at my local GP with anxiety for which I found myself on meds and referred for counselling. I'm not at all ashamed about seeking help and the fact that I really didn't cope well with things. As I think I've mentioned before I went through a particularly dark period of anxiety and depression about 25 years ago for which I was briefly on meds (then Cipramil, this time Sertraline, both SSRI's). Thankfully as circumstances have changed and things have settled down in the new year I'm now feeling much more grounded and in control and about to start stepping down off the meds. I appreciate once I sought some help and support it was there and has certainly helped navigate a tricky few months.

So, as of October 1st I've been officially unemployed, it wasn't until the end of December though until I was finally given the redundancy settlement that I was due. Prior to that I didn't even know if I would receive anything as they'd been particularly vague and not forthcoming as to if anyone who hadn't been redeployed would receive anything and even actively, through some particularly underhand tactics screwed a couple of ex colleagues out of theirs. So it really wasn't until January that I could finally relax, take stock and start thinking about the future. Thankfully, because of the settlement it now gives me some breathing space while I contemplate my next move. 

For the first few weeks after finding myself surplus to requirements, I found it quite difficult and really felt quite untethered. I was surprised by how much I missed not just the job itself and my co-workers but the whole routine of 'going to work'. For years I'd been getting up at 6am, leaving the house at 6.30 and then biking the 25 minutes out of town to work to start at 7am. Being a creative person it's not like I'm at a loss with things to fill my time but without some form of routine I really was a bit lost at sea for a bit. Now, I try to get up early (but not 6 anymore, although my beloved cat still expects me to briefly get up and serve her breakfast then and will stand on my head and bat my face to make sure she gets it), then after a light healthy breakfast I'll go out on my bike and 'commute' back to home. I have two different 5K circular routes that I alternate between. It helps, physically and mentally to start my day like this. Then when I arrive back home 20 minutes later I consider myself at work and take myself up to my little work room. I'm lucky to have space of my own where I can work on my creative passions. Alicia works from home and has a room downstairs as her home office, I have the spare bedroom upstairs as my spot so we're not in each other's way. I have various little habit tracking charts that I've made in a particularly obsessed nerdy style that I keep tabs on my daily endeavours. I'm conscious of the fact that I used to have a physical job where I was on my feet and on the go so I can only sit at my art desk for certain periods and make sure I take regular breaks to either go for walks, do a workout or go for a run. Apart from the remnants of a horrid winter cold/flu bag I'm still dealing with I haven't felt this physically and mentally well in months.

Trying to be an artist again and the struggles with creative block

I have to say, it feels great to finally be back in the flow with artwork. However I am currently at a crossroads where I think I really need to figure out what I want to really do with that, why and for who but more of that later. Prior to this for months (years perhaps) I was trapped in the worst period of creative block that I can recall for a long, long while. It really was quite crippling. Looking back now I can see that the whole situation with the uncertainties and anxieties at my day job (which had been lurking on the horizon for a couple of years) had very much been effecting lots of other aspects of my life, including my creativity.

There had been quite a long period where I'd been consciously turning down any offers for album cover commissions. I'd found it increasingly stressful and unrewarding over the years (more of that in a separate blog I think). However, back in 2023 when Zero Again asked me to do the cover art for their first album I decided to throw caution to the wind and throw myself back into that world. Mainly this was because 1 - I'd loved their early 7"s and think they're one of the most exciting UK bands going at the moment and 2 - I'd worked with their bassist and punk writer/documentarian extraordinaire Ian Glasper many times over the years, not only for his old band Stampin' Ground but also for many covers for his old Blackfish Records label. That being said I still found it a real struggle and like often happens there came points in the process when I was trying to get the initial ideas together and working up sketches where I felt it just wasn't going to happen and wished (and contemplated) just saying I couldn't do it. But, as usual I just pushed through it and amazingly it ended up being a piece that I was really happy with and that they loved. This gave me a boost and made me think, hey, maybe I can still do this so perhaps against my better judgement I started saying yes to things again and soon had a few other projects lined up for various bands. 

Unfortunately lightning didn't strike twice and I found myself right back at the bottom of that creative block crevasse. Nothing would come. Literally nothing and the more I tried to force anything the more panicked I felt. The fact that others, bands etc were now relying on me just seemed to make that creative blindness even more of a blackout. It got to the point where I realised, extremely reluctantly that for the sake of my mental health I was going to have to just remove myself from the situation. This was something I agonised over and felt extremely shitty about, I absolutely hate letting people down but the fear of just not being able to deliver what people wanted or expected and at best produce sub par work was even worse, not to mention I couldn't see how I'd even get to that point. Everything I tried to do looked like shit. So, in the end I had to just be up front and let those bands know that, despite what I'd said, no, I couldn't do their cover art and they'd have to find an alternative. At this point I'd particularly like to apologise to Orphanage Named Earth and No/Mas. I've known Wojtek from O.N.E for a few years and had designed their logo and first demo artwork, thankfully he was patient with me and understood my decision, I never heard back from No/Mas so I'm sure they were none too impressed. Zero Again also approached me to do their second album but after taking some time to consider it, I again had to decline. It would have been awesome to be able to have come up with the goods for all those amazing bands but in hindsight it was the right decision and I had to put my mental wellbeing first. Hopefully it's not a situation I'll find myself in again though as it really sucked.

So I'm doing my best to make the most of this 'not having to go to work' bonus time as it's likely not something I'll get again. Well, until I retire I guess which scarily isn't really that far away in the grand scheme but let's not dwell on such terrifying things, ha ha. I started off by throwing myself into a nice detailed watercolour pencil drawing. I figured I'd do something inside my comfort zone where I can just settle down everyday and get back into that flow of working on one piece. This is for a record cover, but it's for a project for one of my own bands so the only pressure was from myself. I wanted to do something with a particular retro reference that is relevant to the project hence dipping back into the world of Celtic knotwork, something I've not done for a few decades. I have to say I found it quite therapeutic and I think I'll do a few more pieces featuring that while I'm in the mood. 

I also did a pen and ink black and white supporting illustration which will hopefully get used on accompanying merch. More on this particular project soon.

Happily back in the flow

Knotwork studies in my sketchbook.

After finishing that I was pondering what to do next and thought I should try and at least try and make a little income in this 'in-between jobs' limbo. Of late I've found that my prints barely sell and generally I don't even sell enough to cover the cost of getting the initial run of prints. With that in mind I'd been pondering on doing more 'print on demand' stuff where like my lino prints I could just print at home. I'd been thinking of doing maybe shirts or something, possibly doing some DIY screen-printing but thought maybe I'd test the water with some lino print designs on tote bags. However by the time I'd bought some blank bags, did various experiments with different fabric inks, had to buy a better roller etc I'd already spent more than I'd wanted but still felt fairly confident this would be a good seller. So I spent a couple of weeks figuring out designs, cutting new lino blocks, doing tests, printing double sided on all the bags (which was more labour intensive than I'd thought). Then it was a case of photographing, listing on my BigCartel store and sharing on social media. It's kinda funny despite the fact that it's never happened whenever I have a new print or product ready to sell I get a momentary boost of over confidence and think "hey, these are gonna fly out, maybe I didn't get enough?!!" and so it was again. So I probably shouldn't have been surprised when after 2 days of posting multiple times on Instagram and Facebook I've had a grand total of 2 orders. 

Working with lino prints on tote bags.

Just to break things down, I have about 2,500 'followers' on Instagram, that number hasn't really changed much in the past bunch of years, getting new followers feels like another of those secret magical things you need to unlock. Anyway, as we all know the fucking infernal 'algorithm' means that only a small percentage of those followers are even going to get to see your post in their feeds. Out of those only a small percentage of those are either going to 'like' before scrolling past or take the time to actually read the caption/description or scroll across if there are multiple images. It seems that most of my posts get between about 100-200 likes, which I make between 4% - 8% of my followers. Then of that small percentage, only a small number of those are going to take the time to follow a link to my webstore and then of that tiny amount only some will decide to actually purchase anything. In this case 2 people, ha ha. Looking at the stats on my webstore, it's pretty much only on days where I mention it on social media that it gets any visitors otherwise I might get literally 1 or 2 visits a week. It all just feels exhausting but it's the same for everyone so I guess I should just suck it up and post more often in a cleverer way or shut the fuck up.

I do wonder if when people see my stuff on social media whether they just assume I'm selling a shit ton, making an actual living from it or some such fantasy? I also wonder if artists I follow who I assume the same of are also getting minimal to no feedback or sales? It's pretty disheartening but I also know that if you want to really make a mark and succeed in this arena then you really need to be determined, clever and work hard at it. None of which I do. I increasingly hate social media, see it as a necessary evil and would rather spend as little time on it as possible. However it's the only way I'm going to get word out of my artwork as standing outside my house shrieking through a bullhorn probably isn't going to cut it. I know there are tips and tricks to playing the game, I should be making reels, videos, multiple (and I mean multiple) constant posts, stories, paid promotions etc and if I'm not then I shouldn't really be whining about it on here. It sucks. I like making the work. I hate promoting it. I really need to drastically rethink what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, who I'm doing it for?? etc etc. 

Some of the very informative Artist career guides I have. All recomended.

I've read countless books on how to make a career as a visual artist. It's not like it's some clandestine hidden  knowledge. You've got to be focussed, make plans and strategies and work really, really hard at it. Do I have that focus and drive? It would appear not. Selling originals would be the best money spinner but then the last group show I was in here in Norwich, 'Limbs' I sold nothing, the group show I was part of in New York last year I sold one small drawing. However in both cases I was reluctant to even list some of the pieces and indeed some of the bigger pieces were listed as not for sale. That's another problem. I find it difficult parting with work, especially if it's quite a major piece that I've spent weeks of time invested in. I actually have a lot of my original paintings hanging around the house. I enjoy my own art. I like looking at it. It's strange as I don't find it the same with music, I really don't ever listen to releases of my own bands (does anyone?). That's not to say that I don't like the music from the bands I'm in or am not proud of it at all. I am, immensely. It's a strange one. Thinking about it most of the original art that I have sold over the last few decades has been private commissions. I think if I already know it's for someone else I don't get too personally attached to a piece.

Onwards and Upwards

I think for the moment though I just need to relax and not really think about anything too deeply. Stop worrying about making art to please or making art to sell, just make art for myself, whatever that may be and in what form I don't even know. I'm going going to go with the flow and see where I end up. In the meantime I'll probably step up my searching for something to pay the bills as I know this redundancy money will soon get swallowed up by the demands of living in the real world if I'm not careful. For now I'm hoping to just find something part time to keep things ticking over but still leave me with the free time and energy to be creative. I'm certainly not ready to just through myself back into the world of a full time day job while I don't absolutely have to. That time may well come sooner than I hope but for now I want to make the most of this breathing space I have. I'm really not sure where it's all heading but we shall see. 

I think this will do for this time around. Of course now I've got into it I've thought of a bunch of other gubbins I could be waffling about but I'll save that for next time. I'm hoping to at least post once a month if not more. Famous last words (which I've said before) so I guess I shouldn't hold my breath but who knows I may yet surprise myself.

As always thanks to anyone who's taken the time out of their busy days to read my waffle and who has got this far, feel free to take a penny chew from the jar as you leave, jelly worms and twizzle sticks are the best.

Oh and before I go if you've an extra moment or three please do check out my wares that I am hawking in the webstore (link below), Please and thankyou.

https://thebonehive.bigcartel.com/

Springtime Scribblings Part II

I just titled this little collection of ponderings and rambling "Springtime Scribblings" only to look back and see I'd already titled an entry as that in June 2021, hence a quick edit to make this part 2. In fact I've only written 2 further posts during that (almost) 3 year period, more to the point I just re-read my last entry from January 2022 which I ended with the words "My plan is to write at least one blog post a month this year".

Hmmm, well that didn't really go to plan.

I did initially start a draft for this post back in April last year but evidently only got a couple of paragraphs in  before my attention and focus wandered and like so many other things it tumbled back way down the ever growing 'to-do later' list.

Spring is here again and so with that I really do intend to get back to it. As I'd written in those deleted paragraphs from last year, Spring is by far my favourite season. New beginnings, renewals. a wonderful new freshness that really does charge my batteries with a revived optimism after being so depleted during the long, dark winter days. Winter this year was a strange one, it wasn't particularly cold, no snow, hardly any frost or ice, in fact there wasn't a single day I wasn't able to bike to work because of icy roads. However it has been grey, so grey and it has rained and rained and rained and with that it just felt like everything was washed out, overcast and colourless without end. In previous years there's often been a later winter cold snap, perhaps late snow or everything is iced over and then suddenly the blossoms appear, the trees pop, the clouds clear and Spring appears. This year it just seems to have stealthily crept up without me realising. It really wasn't until one day last week, biking home from work when I just suddenly noticed the buds on a tree were about to open into leaf....oh, Spring is here!!!!! Now the sun is out, skies are blue, the greens are popping, I've been cruising around on my longboard and it's time to get (proper) creative again.

I've been meaning and wanting to get back into writing here for ages. Apologies in advance though that this particular entry is no doubt going to definitely be of the random rambling variety. Probably little more than a stream of consciousness but I just need to get it out and then I'll feel like I can then start doing things with a bit more structure and focus.

One of the main inspirations to finally settle down and put some words down has been Patti Smith, back during the pandemic she started a little weekly email subscription. There's a free Thursday post plus also a paid Substack subscription. I just signed up to the free  mailing list, I figured it would be nice to have some extra weekly Patti in my life. As is often the case with signing up to email mailing lists, very quickly I find I'm not reading them but just moving them to a folder to read later and then before I know it there's an overwhelming, ever growing amount that feel too much to tackle. And so it was....

So now I've got hundreds of unread weekly email postings going back to 2021. So, instead of mindlessly scrolling on my phone while I quickly eat breakfast every morning at 6am before setting off for work I figured I'd read one or two of these a day on my Kindle. They're fantastic and such a better way to start off the day. She has such a beautiful poetic way with words (says he stating the absolute obvious, very unpoetically) and such a wonderfully romantic view of the world where you are able to through her posts vicariously travel through time and space. So hopefully in a few months I'll have got up to date and then be able to keep up with her in real time.

Here's the thing about Patti Smith. I'm not got going to try and play it cool and say I've been following her artistic output since I first came across her in the late 70's as that would be a big fat lie. I'm very late to the party. There really was no particular reason, even though I'd been listening to many of her contemporaries Patti had just never been on my radar, It was a name I knew of course but had never really sought out her music or writing. In fact, even songs like Dancing Barefoot and Because the Night that I subconsciously knew inside out from hearing them on the radio I didn't even realise were her. Then about 10 years ago I just happened to be in a book shop and there was a table display of 'Just Kids', I picked up a copy and perused, reads a few pages and I was hooked instantly. I quickly devoured that and M Train in quick succession. I find there is something particularly wonderful about discovering someone late in their career and suddenly having a lifetimes back catalogue to catch up with. You can just totally immerse yourself in the work. And so I did, it became almost an obsession. I'm not a collector or a completist, I'm thankful I don't really posses that record collector nerd gene as it always feels like it would be somewhat stressful, however I did find myself picking up everything I could easily come across. And here's what I appear to have amassed over the past 10 years. 

Patti in print.

Patti on disc.

Anyway, as a very uncool latecomer to the Patti party I'd just like to thank her for the continual inspiration.

Talking of inspiration, this is the one picture I'd included with last Springs now outdated and deleted post. At the time these were the first four books I'd read that year. Generally I like to really mix up what I'm reading and don't tend to read a bunch of similar books in a row but somehow by chance these all had some common themes running through them which kind of illustrated how I wanted to approach the coming seasons. They were all great books so I figured I'd leave this here.

I love to read but never feel I do it enough due to all the insidious distractions the 21st century has to throw at you to erode what depleted focus we already have. However I always set myself a reading challenge on Goodreads each year. Normally 30 books. That doesn't seem like much over a 12 month period and very achievable and yet I still mostly fall short. Last year I only managed 21, the year before a meagre 17, although one of those was Stephen King's The Stand, which at 1152 pages should really count as 2 or 3!!! Should anyone care to see what I'm ever currently reading you can keep up with me at www.goodreads.com/midinstinct

These four wonderful books are all set in different wonderful, remote natural locations and in each case the author is often talking about the bliss of aloneness. Just being with yourself and with nature. In Neil Ansell's The Last Wilderness, it is something he actively seeks out. To be off the beaten track and away from people as much as is possible. Set in the remotest parts of the Scottish highlands what he doesn't know about the creatures and plants he comes across isn't worth knowing, I can only dream of having such knowledge and such a close connection that can only come through a lifetimes obsession with the natural world. I was so taken by his writing that I ended up reading a couple more of his books last year too, The Circling Sky and Deep Country and have several more on my 'to-read' list. Tove Jansson's The Summer Book is set on a tiny remote island off the coast of Finland and like all her books that I've read transports you away from the chaos of modern life to this wonderous minute world of intentional isolation. Under Open Skies is the account of Markus Torgeby and his retreat into the forest of Northern Sweden and life in a tiny cabin. This also features beautifully calming photographs by his wife Frida and is just something I can see me going back to to just gaze and daydream and get lost in. Finally, James Aldred's 'Goshawk Summer', written as a kind of diary is his account of filming and photographing the return of the rare but glorious Goshawk to the New Forest (somewhere I need to visit), where he'll rise before dawn and then spend hours in silence, squahed into his tiny hide high up in the branches of an ajoining tree to the Goshawk's nest. Like all these books it's written from such a place of passion, patience and dedication. It's also particularly interesting as it was written during the early months of the pandemic, when there was so much anxiety and uncertainty and the world was shutting down and we were all under various lockdowns. The one peositive that came from that which is so wonderfully illustrated here is temporarily free from human encroachment and interaction wildlife suddenly appeared abundantly, undisturbed in places normally overcrowded with the noisey throng of people. It was a tantalising glimpse of how things could be, sadly too briefly and did we really learn anything from it? Apparently not.

---------------

Well, it appears I got distracted. It's now over a month later, towards the end of June. I need to get this uploaded or Spring will have well and truly sprung and the title of this will be redundant. There probably isn't much of any interest to anyone in this little ramble, no creative updates regards what's going on with my art, bands, other projects or wotnot. I think I'll save all that for the next entry proper, it's good to have just got some words out. This really is just for my benefit, maybe I won't even announce I've posted this anywhere. Somehow I doubt anyone just drops by here so it'll be intersting to see if anyone at all actually reads it.

In the meantime, I'm just back from a short trip to New York, we struck gold with the weather, blue skies, glorious hot days. Being lost in the woods of the Hudson Valley is definitely one of my very favourite places to be. When you're deep on the trails amongst the trees and rocks with no sign of another person and just the sound of the wind in the trees, accaisional babbling brook, birdsong, frogs and (during summer) the cicadas, it's easy to daydream that you're only person on the planet. It soothes the soul. Here's a short snippet of water finding it's way through the woods on the Blue Mountain Reservation in Peekskill NY. I've spent so many happy hours walking these trails over the past 15 years of regular Stateside visits.

It's so restorative.

More words next month.

Back in the flow....at last!!

Slack von Slackerton the slacker.

Goddamn, over 4 months since the last post!! To be fair, it's been on my mind to write for weeks (months) but life seems pretty busy right now and it's just been difficult finding the right combination of time and energy, seems to always be one without the other. I do actually have plans for several long pieces, mostly regards various memories and happenings from the 80's, a la the hitching post I wrote but for now here's just a little catch up on what's afoot in my small universe.

Limbs - Group show / pop-up shop.

I've just had to delete what I'd initially written here and start again as I had started this blog post a couple of weeks before the show but now it's suddenly a month or two after....oops!!! So, instead of a progress report here's a review of the event and everything it meant in regards to finally getting my mojo back with my art.

I was just re-reading an interview I did with CAVEAT! zine from Malaysia back in 2020 about my artwork where I felt I'd been particularly negative about my working practice and inspiration at the time. One of the questions I was asked was - 

Any bands/individuals would you like to collaborate with in the future?

Not right now, to be honest I think I just need to get to a place where I'm feeling excited and energetic about my own work again. I don't feel like I'd have much to contribute to any collaborations at the moment. At the risk of repeating myself I feel like I need to step right back, reassess things. What am I trying to do? Why am I doing it? I think I need a reset before I really feel like I have anything to bring to the table, There are so many people doing so many amazing things out there right now but I don't really feel part of it.

That answer pretty much summed up how I was feeling at that time (and had been for some time). However, having been a part of the LIMBS collaboration with my friends for the past few months really gave me the boost and focus I'd needed for so long and actually feel like I can call myself a working artist again. I'd felt like a fraud for so long. At this point I really have to thank my good friend Katri for inviting me to be part of this event. The whole thing was her brainchild and she really drove the whole collaboration which really has proved to be such an important catalyst and will hopefully lead onto other exciting things. 

https://www.instagram.com/limbs_collaboration

Of course I couldn't do things the easy way. Despite being asked to be part of this at the end of February, giving me a full 8 months or so to get some new work together I didn't actually put paint to canvas until a month before the show. I had been doodling and going through ideas in sketchbooks etc but nothing was sticking, I was overthinking everything and couldn't find a focus or decide what it was that I wanted to do. Initially I had thought about a series of large charcoal drawings but I wasn't very happy with my first attempts, then I thought I'd like to make some large, loose and energetic paintings, perhaps even a set of abstract works. In the end I was still procrastinating and jumping from idea to idea without committing to anything when there was just a month to go. So I just bought a bunch of different sized canvas' and decided to just start painting with no real clear plan and just see where it took me. In the end I started by simply covering the white space with various tonal, colour experiments I'd initially explored in my sketchbooks. At this point I kept to my original brief of working fast and without too much thought. I just needed to make a start, make some marks. So I quickly had 4 paintings on the go at once. I haven't worked in this way for a very long time. Generally I'll work on one piece, one project at a time, taking it to it's conclusion until I move onto something different. It really was quite liberating to have multiple works in progress concurrently. It meant I meant I could be working on one and when I felt I wasn't sure where to go and hit any kind of block could just put it aside and work on another. I'd also decided to work in acrylic which again I hadn't done for a very long while and certainly not on canvas. I think last time I was painting on paper, card and board. 

It proved to be the most intense and productive month I have had for years, it was certainly very stressful at times but if there is such a thing as 'good stress' then this was it. As well as having multiple paintings on the go I had also decided that I wanted to make floating frames for them all. I'd never done that before so a quick YouTube tutorial was in order before I went out to but supplies. So for the last couple of weeks I was working every hour I could get, burning the midnight oil, running between the spare bedroom/makeshift studio with paintings in various states and the garage where wood was being measured, cut, glued, varnished etc. I was still finishing the actual paintings in the early hours of the day of the opening, quickly varnishing them before going to bed. I then discovered that as I'd only had time for one coat they had dried patchy so had to apply another coat first thing in the morning (you're supposed to leave at least 24 hours in-between layers) and then just hope it would be dry enough by the evenings opening event. I had to also fix the still sticky canvasses into the hastily assembled frames in the morning. It felt like I was a contestant on one of those cheesy tv reality shows where you're trying to create something against the clock. Despite everything feeling like a massive rush at the end I was pretty happy with how they had all turned out and only one of the frames was seriously wonky, not that anyone else seemed to notice (or were perhaps too polite to mention).

I don't think I've worked with that kind of intensity since I was getting everything ready for my Visual Studies degree show some 22 year ago ( I can't believe it was that long ago!!!!). Although leaving everything until just a month before meant lots of stress i think it's probably the only way I was going to do this. I wish it wasn't the case but I do tend to work best under pressure. Anyway, after all that hanging the work in the space came together miraculously easy and quickly, for us all I think. Everyone's work looked great and it was such a buzz to see how we'd all manged to pull everything together. The whole weekend was a lot of fun if quite exhausting and I definitely think we've learned a lot about what to do and not do and what we can do better if/when we do something like this again. Thanks to everyone who came down and supported us and everyone who bought work or just came for a chat.

Regarding the work itself, it had been a few years since I'd last worked on canvas in acrylic but I was surprised at how quickly I got into the groove with it and found it pretty satisfying and that things more or less went as I'd hoped with both a few mistakes but also some happy accidents along the way. Typically though the idea of loose and energetic work seemed to quickly go out of the window and I ended up working in a much tighter more controlled way, I just don't seem to be able to help myself so decided not to fight against it and just go with it. Of course some paintings worked better than others and I think if I'd started earlier and had more time there's a couple I would have worked further on and that could have been developed more. Although I have definitely been guilty of overworking paintings and drawings on many occasions so the time constraint not giving me that luxury was probably a good thing. Sometimes I really don't know when to stop and when something is finished. All in all it was a great starting point though and a medium I'm planning on continuing working with for the foreseeable future.

The pick of the bunch on a personal level was the largest of the quartet, 'Ascension', this is also the one that I had the least idea about where it was going when I started it and took a few surprising twists and turns along the way. To be honest, after I've finished a particular piece my default setting seems to generally set somewhere between indifference, disappointment and loathing. I'm rarely happy with something directly after the fact and often have to come back with a fresh eye months (or sometimes years) later to appreciate it at all, however with this painting I was actually really happy immediately, and still enjoy just looking at it, so much so that I've hung it in my front room at home. Hopefully that's a feeling I can replicate more often in work going forward.

Ascension - Acrylic on canvas 75 x 60cm

Uncomfortable scratching into the Young Mid's mind.

A few blog posts that I've had planned for a while have been prompted by old cassette recordings that I've recently digitized, for example an old Deviated Instinct practice compilation featuring recordings from late 1984 and early 1985 with short local news items recorded from the TV from the time in-between songs (Crass stylee), specifically about the doomed Norwich 'No Business as Usual' demonstration and the eviction of the Argyle Street squat, both of which happened in the early months of 1985. I remember Leggo had just bought a little hi-fi with a double cassette deck in it so that we could copy tapes and it was using this that we put this little compilation together that we sent out to a few friends and probably made it onto a few tape trader lists. I plan to stick this up on YouTube soon with accompanying posts both about the failed demo and it's aftermath, we were ALL (as in everyone) arrested following that and the court cases dragged on for months, plus my recollections from the 6 months or so living in the squat. My memory is (and sadly has always been) dreadful, if it wasn't for photographic evidence I'd barely believe I was actually around in the 80's, so scant and blurred are my recollections. Thankfully I have a few old diaries, of course I didn't write half as much as I wished I had and during the most fun and crazy times 86-89 I didn't write anything but I do have odd stuff between 82 and 85 and a snippet or two from 86 which is helping put things together a bit. I've been methodically going through them and typing up every word so that from now on I'll have a digital record. Both to remind myself and also because my writing is so fucking unreadable it will be good to finally have it all deciphered. Unfortunately of course, much of what teenaged Mid had to say was extremely cringe inducing. At times I kind of want to climb back through the pages and give my younger self a good slap. Between the diaries, the calendar pages within plus the fact that I've literally kept every single pen pal letter and general band correspondence during all the 80's I've been able to piece certain events back together in a vaguely crusty detective manner.

I used to also keep gig lists, I have lists that go from my very first gig in 1980 until a few months into 1986 when I guess I just got lazy and stopped. This drives me crazy as this was just when I started seriously travelling all over the country following bands, visiting friends and going to gigs in all manner of places as opposed to simply local gigs in the early 80's. It makes me weep to think of the literally hundreds of amazing bands I've probably completely forgotten I saw through the second half of the 80's and the entire 90's and half the 00's, I only started making a list again in 2014

I'm a fucking idiot!!! Oh well, nothing new there.

I've gotta say it's also really great to have a whole array of books detailing personal accounts from the early-mid 80's Anarcho punk scenes such as 'Not just Bits of Paper', 'And all around was Darkness' etc

I want to put things in context by writing about all the demos I was attending prior to that No Business as Usual demo that, like many smaller gatherings around the country at the time was very much inspired by the Stop the City demonstrations in London, 2 or 3 of which I had attended in 83/4 and which there is some really valuable accounts in aforementioned books as well as the book 'The Aesthetic of our Anger' which I'm also currently working through. Anyway this is all a project for next month I think.

Some of my Anarcho punk tomes.

Once more into the fray

My plan is to write at least one blog post a month this year, hopefully somewhat more focussed than this little mishmash of a post but it's good to at least wake this up again. That's alongside a million other plans and ideas that have been fighting for breathing space inside my jumbled brain. It's always like this at the beginning of a new year, I'm generally full of positivity and good intensions which invariably wane pretty quickly. I have to say that 20 days into 2022 I'm still burning bright with the creative spirit though and am trying my best to be just a little bit more organized and focussed than usual. I'll share more of my personal projects and hopes and wotnot as the year unravels.

Soundtrack to this post has mostly been LOW who I am on a massive kick with at the minute.

Taking a leap and book ideas.

I was supposed to be writing at least one blog entry a month, if not more and yet suddenly it's well over 2 months since the last little ramble.

As the old school reports were so fond of saying "must try harder"

Okay, this is the second attempt at this entry, the first try reached new heights of rambling nonsense and went off in ever waffling tangents of no interest to anyone, especially me. Focus young Middleton, focus.

Time and Money

Right, first and biggest update since I was last here is that I took the leap and reduced my hours at the day job and dropped down to part time with the sole intention of giving myself more time and energy to spend on my creative passions. For those that don't know I work for the NHS (in the Health Records dept, for various local hospitals) and for years have been working full time with as much overtime as I could handle. The job (while not stressful) is physically exhausting, I'm on my feet for the majority of the day with lots of manual handling, added with the 5 mile bike commute each way I was always totally wiped out and good for nothing by the time I got home in the evening. However with my domestic situation changing a couple of years back and all those long hours paying off to meet all the financial criteria to enable my wife to move over from the states I was able to re-evaluate things. They'd already cut overtime at my job and then thought, fuck it, life is short and spoke to my boss asking if it would be possible to reduce my hours. She said that it wasn't possible at that moment but she'd keep it in mind. To be honest I kinda forgot about it, then at the start of last month she said that they could juggle the numbers enough for me to go down to 30 hours and I signed a contract update. To be honest I then had a total "Shit!!! What the fuck have I done???" moment, for in real terms I was basically taking a £300 a month pay cut of my own doing. I work for the NHS remember so I didn't earn much to begin with. Still, I figured if I stopped buying so much stuff (by stuff I pretty much mean books and records) and tried to be a bit smarter with food bills it'd be okay. A few weeks into this new routine, as great as finishing at 2pm every day and having every afternoon to concentrate on art I am having severe 'stuff' withdrawals and having to go back to watching every penny and still not making it to the next pay day which is sending me back into that "what the fuck have I done???" mode. Obviously if I could fill that £300 hole each month with art income would be the ideal scenario and aim, I just have to try not to either fall into a debt/depression hole in the meantime. 

Quick charcoal sketches from this week, just to get my hands dirty.

Having to worry about making money from my art very quickly sucks any creative energy I might have gained. As I think I mentioned in a previous post I unsuccessfully tried to go the full on 'self employed' artist route back in the early 2000's, it was stressful and I fell deep into the aforementioned financial and mental health black holes. Back then I was primarily working doing album covers, something I haven't done for a while and right now have no desire to get back into. In an ideal world I'm hoping that if I have the time to make art that I personally like and excites me, for myself, then it should follow that others will (hopefully) enjoy it too and want to give me money for it. The very small amount I make from print sales doesn't even being to make a dent in things plus I still haven't quite figured out how to keep peoples interest in that and direct folk to my web store without constantly spamming my social media pages. I feel like there is only so many times I can say "hey, I've got a fancy new lino print". To put things in context, unless I post something like that most days I get no traffic to my Big Cartel page and even when I recently posted some "hey come buy my wares" blurb on a Facebook page it got over 2000 views and a bunch of likes but generated only 2 orders. I might just add here that I am extremely and forever grateful to each and every print order I get and those 2 orders this week were certainly two times better than none. 

Still, it's only a month or so into this and I need to figure out some sort of new routine so I make the best of my time. Whatever, even if I'm not sure what I'm doing I want to make sure I'm always doing something. I do have plenty of plans and don't want to let stressing about money suck the life out of it, so time to chill and focus. As I said life is short and to be honest I'm not sure there would have ever been a 'best time' to make this jump so I just need to grab the opportunity and do my best to make it work.

Oh, but if you had wanted to buy a print from me but never got around to it, now would be a great time, thanks. Buy my gubbins here -   Bonehive - Big Cartel Store

Book projects

For those of you who follow my often neglected Facebook and Instagram pages might have seen a post from a month or so ago where I was canvassing interest in an idea I'd been ruminating on, that being putting together a little book of a selection of sketchbook pages. Thanks to the many of you that gave me such positive feedback and said they'd be interested in such a venture. It's definitely something I plan on moving forward with and have been busy going through my stack of sketchbooks selecting which pages I think I might like to share and scanning them in to work on. I'm sure the selection process is going to get endlessly revised but I currently have about 130 odd possible pages. I also need to still think about a design and format but hopefully I can start pulling that all together in the not too distant future and then get it up for pre-order so I can gauge the demand. Obviously it's all new and not something I've done before so don't want to end up with a house full of stacks of unsold books. 

Where the magic happens. Scanning station a go-go.

Having said that never to make things simple or easy for myself I started thinking about another. separate book I want to do. This second one purely focusing on my pen and ink stuff, I know that this is the style I mainly started in and also primarily the work that most people seem to know me for, especially within the punk scene. It seems to be a medium I have a love/hate relationship with, there have been long periods where I've felt like I would rather gouge my own eyes out than work in that style again but then I get a hankering out of nowhere, screw up my eyes and settle back into hours/weeks/months of interminable detailed dot work. I have to say though once I've got a composition drawn up there is a special kind of satisfaction as the drawing pulls itself together. Anyway, as I was sorting through various stuff I discovered I had a bit more of this style than I thought. I've always felt it is somehow separate to a lot of the other work I do so gathering it all together (along with preliminary sketches) I feel wold be a worthwhile project. I think this will take a lot more work putting together than the sketchbook idea and I'm still not sure which to do first. I think I'll do all the scanning for both projects first and then decide. Either which way I'm feeling pretty committed to the ideas and plan on getting both of these out before the end of the year. There'll be progress updates as I go.

A portfolio full of old black and white scritchings and scratchings

Other stuffs

As always I seem to have a million other projects on the go or on the ever increasing back burner. Actually I don't think that back burner works anymore there are so many random things piled up on it, many of them dusty from years of neglect. Oh well, I'll get around to them one day. Honest.

Music related, I finally finished pulling everything together for the Angst - Practice and Live 1986 CD release which is coming out on Malaysian label Black Konflik, hopefully sometime in October. For more info on who Angst briefly were check back to my first blog post as there's a little potted history plus YouTube links. Still seems kinda crazy that the noise we made in some little rehearsal room some 35 years ago that was then forgotten on a cheap cassette and buried in various boxes and cupboards in various houses over the decades should now be seeing the light of day on a CD, if someone had told us that back then not sure what we'd have made of it, well probably just laughed and said "fuck right off!!" 

Angst CD on Black Konflik Records

Black Konflik Records

Angst history

Similarly, from that self same year (1986 was a good vintage it seems), I'm currently working on the cover design for a vinyl release of the Terminal Filth Stench-Core demo that we're releasing as a co-release between our own label Terminal Filth and our friends Agipunk from Italy. Mila and Koppa from Agipunk originally asked me about releasing this probably a good couple of years before D.I reformed and have then been kinda poking me every few years so it's only taken me...err... about 15 years to get this sorted. As it is, I'm still struggling with what to do for the cover art (another reason I'm not keen to get back into the record cover game, I have enough trouble thinking about what to do on my own bands stuff let alone anyone else's) but I will get it done within the next month or so. It'll be the first time that old demo has been on vinyl in complete form. Most of the tracks were originally on the Re-Opening Old Wounds lp/cd that Leggo put together for Desperate Attempt records back in the 90's but that didn't include the tracks Distance and Cleancore Killer.

Also waiting for me to finish cover art is the long overdue D.I 'Dance of the Plague Bearer' 12", this is 5 re-recorded old tunes that we recorded back in 2017 during the recording of Husk, it was supposed to come out soon after followed by a CD compilation of all D.I stuff recorded since we got back together in 2007. I've been having a huge creative block with this, constantly working up ideas and then rejecting them, to be honest I just want this DONE (a sentiment I'm  sure shared by Snapa who runs the label and has been patiently waiting for YEARS). The back cover and labels are done at least so that's something. 

Then when these are done I need to finally turn my attention to getting a Spine Wrench discography sorted for which I have a couple of interested labels waiting in the wings. This is another project that I first got asked about many years ago and has just been forever on the to-do lost.  The main problem with this is that the masters have long since been lost in the mists of time so I will need to digitize everything from cassette and then get it all re-eq's and mastered. Bri Doom has done a great job with the old D.I and Angst stuff though so I'm sure I'll be employing his great audio skills again to get that all compiled.

Spine Wrench 1992 - Jarrod, Charlie & me.

I have to say I have come to realize that all these musical projects (and come to think of it the art book stuff) are all concerned with historical material, much of it 20 or 30 odd years old. I'm keen not to be forever looking backwards and really need some new exciting projects to sink my teeth in to. Thankfully I've got the small group show with friends that's booked for November to work towards getting some new paintings and drawings together for. Band wise, hopefully D.I will get back into writing mode again soon, we had written 3 new songs before the pandemic hit and everything got put on hold. I went back and listened to the rehearsal recordings of those recently and had forgotten how good they were sounding. Our plan was/is to get enough new stuff together for a new full length album at some point. Plus hopefully Haavat will be back practicing and writing again soon. Anyway, much to keep me busy and off the streets.

Cheers to those who made it this far, you win a penny chew of your choice.

Springtime scribblings - Peni poster & past inspirations.

 Ye gads!!!...I see it's already been well over a month and a half since my last post on here and I was so determined not to lose the flow...oh well. Just looking at the stats on here there've now been over 600 views of the Hitching Tales blog but only 39 of the following, rambling entry. I did say when I started this that I didn't care if no one read it and that it was really just for me to lift the lid on my jumbled headbox to relieve the pressure and try and focus my confused thought tangles...and yet, it would be nice to know that there were a few folk who check it out regularly. I do still have a whole list of longer topics I want to cover, bigger pieces, I just need to set aside the time. Seems if I don't share the link on social media no ones going to know to check though, then there's the fact that if it's an art-centric post I'll share it via the Bonehive Facebook and Instagram pages, if it's Deviated Instinct related I'll share it from the band pages and if it's just general waffle then maybe from my personal page, I probably should have just focussed on one thing but then I'm not a very focussed person and I feel like I'm generally all over the place in my head so maybe it's a truer reflection.

Anyway onwards, stuff...

Rudimentary Peni Tribute poster.

I had originally only intended on ever doing a limited run of 50 of these, they sold out really quickly and I've since been asked multiple times if I'll be doing another run. After some general ponderance I've decided to do one more (final) run, This time when they're gone they're gone. The reason for my initial reluctance was that I was more than aware that although I'm sure a good few liked the piece purely for my art I'm sure the majority wanted it purely because they were fans of Rudimentary Peni and perhaps if I'd left off either the band logo or 'Death Church' it perhaps wouldn't have sold so fast. I felt a little uncomfortable about the idea of perhaps simply profiting off another's name. I mean in theory I could produce endless 'tribute' pieces of favourite bands knowing there'd always be a market of that particular bands fanbase. However remember this piece was actually only intended for inclusion in the 'International HC & Punk Black Book' that Freddy Alva kindly invited me to participate in and offering posters only came about after being repeatedly asked about the possibility . 

Anyway, immediately after they had sold out someone who had been unable to order one in time alerted me to the fact that someone had already listed one on eBay at a higher price. More to the point in the blurb on there it wasn't immediately obvious that it was neither 'official' RP stuff or that it wasn't Nick Blinko (although it should be obvious to anyone), still, I was uncomfortable with the thought of anyone mistakenly thinking this was anything other than a well intentioned tribute. Plus just generally disappointed that someone would buy one with the sole intention to immediately try and turn a profit but then again sadly I should never be surprised to be let down by people in this world.

So, all this has led me to making some subtle alterations to this second edition, simply my signature in the corner and the words 'a tribute' added after Death Church, nothing that spoils the general composition but also hopefully leaves no one in any doubt as to it's origin and intention.

I probably overthink these things but there ya go.

Stock is ordered and I will post on my social media pages when the poster goes live in my Big Cartel webstore.

https://thebonehive.bigcartel.com/

A fork in the road - Those Inspirational Moments

I've been floundering (creatively speaking) of late, well for a while, as has been documented in some of these entries. I feel I need something to jolt me one direction or another, I have a thousand semi formed, half baked ideas all going off in different tangents and I can't decide which way to turn and head off, I need a shove. Anyway that got me thinking, maybe I should share just such a moment when something really hit me for six, artistically and then informed the work I made for a while.

First time I visited Barcelona in 1998 I spent some time visiting The Fundacio Antoni Tapies, though if I remember correctly it was a typically rushed affair at the end of the day just before it was closing (which also reminds me of the time literally running around the Uffizi in Florence before they closed, trying to see all the treasures of the Renaissance at high speed in 10 minutes is not the way to view great art, but I digress).

 The Fundacio Antoni Tapies

Anyway I was already really into Tapies work from all the awesome huge books they had in the Art School library (this was prior to using the internet much) but nothing could prepare me for the power seeing some of these works 'in the flesh' would have. One particular piece literally stopped me in my tracks. It was magnetic and seemed to exude such creative energy I just sat in front of it transfixed. I think I could have sat there for hours.

GRAN MATERIA AMB PAPERS LATERALS 1963 260x195 cm

Of course this reproduction does as little to convey the spell this piece held me in as does the meagre 6x4 inch postcard I purchased of it from the gift shop, still to this day that (now much faded) postcard has been stuck to many a studio wall and ideas pin board and now acts a bit like a totem, almost like things around it are able to draw a charge. It was the pure physicality, the glorious depth of surface. Unfortunately I've since forgotten how to speak in bullshit art speak so I find it near impossible to convey exactly what it was/is about it, only that I knew I needed to explore these ideas and feelings in my work on return and it almost single handily pulled things together and focussed my disparate ideas.

Taking this as a starting point and running with it working in a way inspired by this and also by surfaces and things I saw in the urban landscape it became my central way of working for two or three years. Looking back on that work it's still probably my favourite stuff and certainly was the most enjoyable and fun to work on. Obviously with the space, materials and daily inspiration of being around creative people it was easy to immerse myself in this at art school, then straight after I got my studio where I had the space to continue in this way. Unfortunately, after that the prolonged period of depression (previously mentioned in a prior post) kind of put the brakes on things, then I had to give up my studio space and without room to make larger, messy work I switched tack and almost moved the polar opposite direction with small, tight drawings and paintings on paper. Yet, over all this time I still feel like there's unfinished business there and that I hadn't really explored it as far as I'd have liked.

Here are some details of a few pieces from that period (1999-2002).

It's been on too many year end 'to-do' lists to be funny but with warmer weather here and now a large garage space just waiting to be made a mess of I really have no excuses. I think it could also be time to make some use of all the reference photos I've taken on my travels. Prague is definitely one of my favourite cities, it's obviously full of the most wonderful architecture, art and sculpture and yet the thing I always get so exited about and end up taking tons of photos of are random crumbling walls and these little portal things they have on the buildings, I'm guessing they're housing some sort of power outlet or meter or something, who knows, but I just find them very aesthetically pleasing. I've always had it in the back of my mind to somehow intergrade then into my artwork somewhere, somehow, so maybe this, combined with going back to exploring abstract relief work could be another jumping off point.

Prague memories.

I've also had a hankering for a while to make a series of acrylic abstract paintings, perhaps these two streams will feed into each other. Frustratingly though in the meantime I have several band related projects where record covers need to be done ASAP for imminent release so will have to continue struggling with the small, tight illustrative stuff for a while yet. These are all for bands I play (or have played in) by the way, I think there needs to be a totally other post about why I hardly ever take on cover art commissions from other bands anymore and why I'm not really up for doing record cover design these days.

Also, note to self, now that the plague days seem to be subsiding and the world is gradually opening up I need to make the time to go to more galleries and perhaps I'll have another of those wonderful eureka moments when seeing some artwork in the flesh really sparks something new in me and my work. They're the best times.

Sacramento 2010 and general ramblings.

I recently came across the MP3's from this gig back in 2010 hidden away in a dusty corner of my hard drive. From what I remember one of the guys from Cura Cochino sent it to me, he'd asked if we'd be happy for them to release it as a live cd on Buried in Hell Records. We thanked him for the recording but politely declined the offer as we didn't really think the quality/playing warranted a physical release. however, going back to listen to it now although I still stand by the decision not to release it I definitely think it's worthy of sharing. The sound is a little up and down and broken up for the first minute or so while they're obviously getting levels but thereafter it's a pretty solid recording. A bit guitar and vocal heavy in the mix but has a nice raw energetic feel and is a cool document of the night / tour. At that point we were still just primarily playing old shit, Blunt Instrument being the only new tune in the set, also this one of the very few gigs where we played Void so it's cool to have a recording of that song.

It was one of those strange mid-tour gigs where you're in and out of a place so fast and you don't even see the city or anything. It was about half way through our 2010 West Coast US/Mexico/Canada tour, we'd just spent a few fun days in the Bay Area, we'd been staying/partying at our good buddy Rooster's old pad in Oakland and had played a couple of great gigs in Berkeley and San Francisco. 

We didn't leave the Bay Area until quite late so got to the gig space on the outskirts of Sacramento pretty much as it was all about to kick off. It was way out of town in some kind of storage unit/garage/ lockup(?) at the far end of some industrial estate. I don't recall getting to see Sacramental proper at all.

Now I think I should explain that upon getting to a venue the very first thing I generally do is check out the toilet situation. Even after all these decades I still get a level of nerves before I play, it appears no one else in the band does, it doesn't bother me though, I'm happy with that as to me it means I still really care (not that they don't of course) but anyway this means my nervous body says, "what? you gotta play? Right....you gotta shit!!", thus, while everyone is generally on stage setting up ready to play it'll be "where's Mid? oh right....toilet, pre-gig dump". It's s serious business. So...get to a venue, check out where the toilet is, what state is it in? As anyone who has played the Euro squat circuit will know you're very much playing Russian Roulette on that front. Anyway so it's 1 - Where's the toilet? 2 - Is there a door? 3 - Is there a lock on the door? 4 - Is there a seat? 5 - Is there any bog roll? etc, obviously if you hit a yes on all of those you're in toilet heaven, it's very rare though. I could write an entire post on toile horror stories of the world (as could any touring band). In this case it was very simple though.

There was no toilet. Nothing!! you couldn't even nip outside to slash in the empty parking lot either as their was a cop car sat opposite all night obviously on piss patrol. It must have been a quiet night in the neighbourhood..

So that meant before I could even think about playing I had to go on a toilet hunt. There weren't even any open stores or bars in the area and it was a good mile or so before me and Alicia found an out of the way Del Taco or Taco bell where I could utilise their facilities. We did get a burrito for the walk back of course.

The gig itself was pretty fun, there was only a small turnout, I don't know if it was because it was a Monday and out of town or whatever, it didn't really matter though. I'll always put as much in if it's 5 people or 500, I'm just chuffed to play. All the bands were great, everyone was super friendly and the few that were there were having a blast and everyone rocked hard. Plus they made a killer chilli.

D.I with some of the Sacto crew.

Anyway, as soon as the gig was done we hotfooted it out of town, I'm not sure if it was because we had nowhere to stay or just that Joe (our trusty driver for the tour) was keen to press on up north to his hometown of Portland but we just jumped back in the van and between him and Greg they pulled an all night drive up to Portland while we kipped in the van. Thus, we never did get to see Sacramento at all (hence no photos). maybe we'll come back some time, that'd be cool. 

Other news and general wiffling and waffling.

Firstly I'd like to thank everyone who checked out my Hitching Tales post a few weeks back. It got shared about quite a bit and has currently had over 550 reads which is super cool, I guess it was something a lot of other older folk could identify with and it was awesome to see others sharing their own hitching tales on Facebook. I do have plans for some other quite extensive posts about various memories/topics from the 80's, I just need to find the time. I guess there's no hurry though (well apart from my ever crumbling memory box).

Art life, I've been spectacularly unproductive of late. if you've read any of my previous posts about my problems with creative block, procrastination etc, well, writing about them hasn't helped at all as I've just been repeating all those various old bad habits. I'm still struggling over finding any focus and deciding which of the million ideas I should prioritise and work on. However there are a couple of exciting irons in the fire. Firstly, good friend and band mate, Katri (KatriK Design) has booked the space at Studio 20 here in downtown Norwich for a 3 day group exhibition/event in November which she's kindly asked me to be part of. I'll add more details about this once we get things all sorted but a bunch of us will be exhibiting and (hopefully) selling work and having a general grand ol' time. I'm super psyched about this, it gives me something to aim for and hopefully I can soon focus on getting a new series of work together. As I write this it is just over 6 months away but I don't want to get too comfortable with that thinking I have ages as I know how quickly that will fly by, I'm determined not to get to October and realise I suddenly have to rush to make work at the last minute. It's 22 years since I graduated at Art school and it's still a fairly regular anxiety dream where I dream it's literally the night before the private view and I suddenly discover I literally have no work at all and haven't even started yet!!!! From what I remember we had most of the last of the three years just to work on stuff for our show (alongside writing the infernal dissertation). Even being able to work on art all day every day (well apart from the evening job I had at Bertram Books) it was still a last minute stress so 6 months of only having evenings and weekends I'll need to be both organised and disciplined, neither of which are my strengths. It'll be good though and it's welcome pressure. I also have another exciting offer of a collaboration in the works, likewise more about that when I've something concrete on the go. Plenty to get my teeth into at the moment so I need to get with it and seize the day as they say.

It's all coming at a perfect time really, the latest lockdown is finally easing and fingers (and everything) crossed there's some light at the end of this long bullshit tunnel. I have recently been struggling with a little period of depression but feel like I'm through that black cloud for now, it's Spring (my favourite time of the year), started to see friends again, got some band practices booked for next month, plus a gig for later in the year so just hoping everything continues to settle down.

while I was struggling with my mood and general mental well being a while back I found welcome solace in losing myself in this. I always turn to this wonderful film, Sigur Ros is the best therapy, making  myself a cuppa and relaxing on the sofa and getting lost in these sights and sounds never fails to soothe the soul.

That'll do for for today, may I just add that this post was written hopped up on goofballs. Drinking a large cup of coffee immediately followed by a can of Tenzing Blackberry and acai energy drink wasn't a smart move.

I need to go for a run........................